The Princess panicked and called me into the room. The Prince was bleeding all over the place. (Head wounds have a tendency to bleed a lot.) He had blood running down the side of his head, coming out of his ears, running down his neck … I couldn’t tell exactly where it was coming from.

While I was cleaning up the boy, I gave Princess my cell phone and told her to call Mommy. I found the source of all the blood, it was a small (3/8 inch) cut in his hairline. By the time the Queen got home, we had the bleeding under control and the Prince had calmed down.

The Queen was in panic mode. “We have to take him to urgent care! He’s going to need stitches!”

I told her, “Do you know who you sound like right now?”

She said, “I don’t care if I sound like your Mother right now! He’s my child!”

“OK, you call the pediatrician’s service and ask them what we should do.”

“Why do I have to call them?”

“Every time I call them, you’re shouting in the background because I’m not telling them the right things,” I replied.

So she called the service. The doctor called back and told here there was no reason to panic. He didn’t need stitches as long as the bleeding had stopped. “Just watch him for nausea and dizziness. If he experiences either, take him to the emergency room.”

How do you handle things when your children get hurt? Do you panic, or have you learned to stay calm? I’d really like to know.

“Tell the U.N. to fuggedaboutit. The United States has no intention of surrendering a tool that has done vastly more to enrich and empower the world’s people and to encourage the spread of freedom than the United Nations ever did.”

The names of former President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, the intern who had sex with the commander in chief, will be attached to a new line of condoms.

This story is just too funny. The jokes write themselves.

This sign was found above a diaper changing station. I think the EPA’s wrong about this. Maybe they’re wrong about some other things too?